ADHD, Autism, and Love: What Experts Say About Dating as a Neurodivergent Person, with Tips from Undateables Star Daniel Wakeford

Valentine's Day is coming, and with nearly 40% of UK adults single (of which 15% are neurodiverse), love is more diverse than ever. For those with autism, ADHD, or other neurodivergent traits, dating doesn’t follow a one-size-fits-all formula.

Dr. Selina Warlow, founder of The Nook Clinic and a neurodivergence expert, says the key to neurodivergent dating is understanding and embracing differences.


“Dating as a neurodivergent person - or with a neurodivergent partner - means stepping away from traditional norms and focusing on what works for you. It’s about creating meaningful connections in ways that feel authentic and manageable.”

Tips for Dating as a Neurodiverse Person

If you’re finding it hard to focus on the whirlwind of modern dating, or feel like traditional approaches don’t quite fit, you’re not alone. Here are some tips from Dr. Selina Warlow to help you navigate dating as your authentic self:

Be Honest About How You Communicate

Your directness is a strength. If small talk or subtle cues don’t come naturally, lean into clear and honest conversations. Being upfront about what you’re looking for or any boundaries can help set the tone early, building trust and connection.

Pick Venues That Work for You

If crowded bars or loud restaurants feel overwhelming, choose environments where you feel comfortable and can focus on the person you're with. Quiet cafés, a nature walk, or activity-based outings like visiting a museum or playing board games can make connecting easier and more enjoyable.

Don’t Feel the Need to Mask

It’s okay to ask for what you need. If you prefer structured plans over spontaneity or need time to process emotions, let your date know. Sharing this openly helps set realistic expectations and allows both of you to enjoy the experience without unnecessary stress.

Lead With Your Interests

Passionate interests can be a great way to connect. Whether it’s art, history, or a niche hobby, suggesting a date around something you genuinely enjoy can make the experience more relaxed and engaging for both of you.

Dr. Warlow adds:

“The key to navigating dating as a neurodiverse person is embracing your authentic self. When you’re open about your needs and preferences, you’re far more likely to find a connection that works for both of you.”

What If We’re Both Neurodivergent?

When both partners are neurodivergent, shared understanding can create a strong foundation, but differences in how each person experiences neurodivergence can still arise. One of you may prefer structure, while the other thrives on spontaneity; or you might have differing sensory needs. The key is open communication and finding creative ways to balance these differences. Dr. Selina Warlow explains:

“Neurodivergent relationships often thrive when both partners embrace their unique strengths and work together to create a dynamic that supports each other’s needs. It’s about celebrating individuality while building connections.”
How to Approach Dating a Neurodiverse Partner

Dating someone who is neurodivergent can be a deeply rewarding experience, but it may also require learning and adapting. Dr. Warlow highlights a few ways neurotypical partners can approach these relationships.

Be Curious, Not Assumptive:

Neurodivergent people may process emotions or communicate differently, so take time to understand their unique needs. Asking thoughtful questions can go a long way in building connections.

Don’t Take It Personally:

A need for space, a lack of eye contact, or a direct way of speaking isn’t a reflection of disinterest - it’s just a different way of interacting.

Be Flexible:

Plans may need to adapt depending on sensory or emotional needs. Being open and accommodating shows respect and care.

Celebrate Their Strengths:

Neurodivergent partners often bring creativity, deep focus, and unique perspectives to relationships, which can make for a rich and fulfilling dynamic.

Dr. Warlow notes:

“Dating someone who is neurodivergent is about celebrating their differences, not seeing them as obstacles. The best relationships are built on mutual understanding and respect.”

Changing the Narrative on Neurodiverse Love

Stereotypes often paint neurodivergent people as uninterested in or incapable of romantic relationships. However, social media is helping to break these misconceptions, where hashtags like #NeurodiverseDating has garnered millions of views. Whether it’s navigating dating as a neurodiverse person or fostering understanding as a partner, the key lies in open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to adapt. As conversations about neurodiversity continue to grow, they remind us that love isn’t about fitting into a mould - it’s about creating connections that feel authentic and fulfilling.

Daniel Wakeford’s Top Dating Tips

Daniel Wakeford is a singer/songwriter with autism from Brighton, and star of Channel 4 show ‘The Undateables’. Here he shares his top dating tips.

“Hello, it’s Daniel Wakeford here and I will be telling you my top dating tips.

It’s always important to be yourself
Have fun and enjoy yourself on the date
Take her and him to some tasty restaurants, or you might even go to Eastbourne!

I hope that helps! Love me, Daniel Wakeford. Mwah!”

ENDS

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